This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's
  restaurant...and they hired him!
 
  NAME:  Greg Bulmash
 
  DESIRED POSITION:  Reclining.  Ha ha.  But seriously, whatever's
  available.
  If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the
  first place.
 
  DESIRED SALARY:  $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
  style severance package.  If that's not possible, make an offer and we
  can haggle.
 
  EDUCATION:  Yes.
 
  LAST POSITION HELD:  Target for middle management hostility.
 
  SALARY:  Less than I'm worth.
 
  MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:  My incredible collection of stolen pens and
  post-it notes.
 
  REASON FOR LEAVING:  It sucked.
 
  HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:  Any.
 
  PREFERRED HOURS:  1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
 
  DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:  Yes, but they're better suited to a
  more intimate environment.
 
  MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be
  here?
 
  DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
  LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:  Of what?
 
  DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:  I think the more appropriate question here
  would be "Do you have a car that  runs?"
 
  HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already
  be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
 
  DO YOU SMOKE?:  Only when set on fire.
 
  WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the
  Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the
  greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that
  now.
 
  DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF
  YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
 
  SIGN HERE:  Scorpio with Libra rising.

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