These are not Tommy Cooper Jokes, but the e-mail sent round said it was.

   Nelson Mandela is in his palace sitting on his veranda and looking at
   the beautiful sunset out side. After a couple of hours of this he hears a
   knock at the door.
   Upon answering it he sees a little japanese man standing there.
   "You want 1000 clutches" says the little man.
   So nelson says "what the fuck do i want with 1000 clutches, now piss 
   off you stupid little man".
   "Oh sowwy" says the little japanese man.
  
   A couple of hours later Nelson mandela was sitting watching his TV 
   with his kids when he hears another knock at the door. Its about 10:00 at night
   at this point so hes thinking, who the fuck is this at this time of 
   night.
   He answers the door and lo and behold its the little japanese man 
   again.
   "You want 1000 windsweenwipers" said the little man.
   "Now what the Fuck do i want with 1000 windscreenwipers, i'm the
   president, I don't need them, go away you horrible little man"
   With that the japanese man said "sowwy" and went away.
   It was getting late so Nelson went to bed.
  
   The next morning, nelson was sat on his balcony, eating his breakfast
   and enjoying the sunrise when he heard a knock on the door. Having forgot
   about the little man he strolled to the door.
   "Hewwo sir, you want 1000 bottle of oil?" said the little man.
   Look who the hell do you think i am, why the fuck do i want 100 
   bottles of oil?
  
  

"Aren't you nissan maindealer?"
              (Imagine this with a japanese accent)

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