Medical - Sometimes the truth is more amusing than
fiction... (thanks to Megamom, a medical
transcriber, for passing this along)
  
  A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going
  to have her baby in the cab!" The ER physician grabs
  his stuff, rushes out to the cab, lifts the lady's
  dress, and begins to take off her underwear.
  Suddenly he notices that there are several cabs, and
  he's in the wrong one.
  *********
  A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her
  stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female
  patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"
  instructed the nurse. "Yes, they used to be,"
  remorsed the patient.
  *********
  One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
  told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
  myocardial infarct.
  Not more that five minutes later, I heard her
  reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
  of a "massive internal fart."
  *********
  I was performing a complete physical, including the
  visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet
  from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with
  your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now
  your left"
  Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.
  There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E
  on the top line. I turned and
  discovered that he had done exactly what I had
  asked;
  he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I
  was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
   *********
  A nurses' aide was helping a patient into the
  bathroom when the patient exclaimed, "You're not
  coming in here with me. This is only a one-seater!"
  *********
  During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
  with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that
  he was having trouble with one of his
  medications. "Which one?", asked the doctor. "The
  patch". The nurse told me to put on a new one every
  six hours and now I'm running out of places to put
  it!" The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered
  what he hoped he wouldn't see...Yes, the man had over fifty
  patches on his body!
  (Now the instructions include removal of the old
  patch before applying a new one.)
  *********
  While acquainting myself with a new elderly
  patient,
  I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
  look of complete confusion she answered,
  "Why not for about twenty years-when my husband was
  alive."
  *********
  And of course, the best is saved for last....
  A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So
  how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good,
  except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
  used to the taste," the patient replied.
  The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman
  produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly".

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