More stupidity on a phone call overheard in CustomerService:  
 Tech Support:"What does the screen say now?"
 Customer:  "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
 Tech Support:  "Well?"
 Customer:  "How do I know when it's ready?"

 I saw a lady at our office today putting a credit card into her floppy
 drive and pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as to what she was  doing.
 She said she was shopping on the Internet, and they asked for a credit  card
 number, so she was using the little ATM "thingy".


 Another conversation occurred with our new secretary:
 Secretary: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
 Co-Worker: "A little. What's wrong?"
 Secretary: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say  that
 all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. So I tried it  again,
 and the same exact thing happened."
 Co-Worker: "How did you load the sheet?"
 Secretary: "Well, it's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone
 else to read it by accident, so I folded it in half so only she would be
 able to open it up and read it on the other end.
 
 Several years ago we had a new hire that was not too bright either.
 One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "hey, I'm  almost
 out of typing paper. What do I do?"
 "Just use copier machine paper," she told him.
 With that, the guy took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it
 on  the copier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

 HIGHWAY IDIOTS
 I was in a car dealership when a brand new motor home was towed into the
 garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the  whole
 thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."  I asked the manager
 what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise  control,
 then went into the back to make a sandwich.
  
 NEIGHBORHOOD IDIOTS
 I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the
 local  township administrative office to request removal of the Deer
 Crossing  sign  on our road.  The reason?  Too many deer were being hit by
 cars and he no longer wanted them to  cross  there!

 COMPUTER IDIOTS
 My neighbour works in the operations department in the central office of  a
 large bank. Employees out in the field call him when they have problems
 with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of  the
 branch banks who had this question:  "I've got smoke coming from the back of
 my terminal. Do you guys have a  fire downtown?"

 IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE
 I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the
 next  day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became
 visibly  excited. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes,
 not the  actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
 
 FOOD SERVICE IDIOTS
 My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
 young kid behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was  sorry,
 but they only had iceberg.   

 World-class Idiots...(sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction)
 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
 poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because  she
 caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
 ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter  into
 the hospital.  She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened
 to mention  that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
 kill the  ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the
 Emergency  room right away.
 
 Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided to
 steal  a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it
 out  of  the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river,
 they  were  quite surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
 It  turned  out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that
 is  activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed there.

  I worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling sporting goods. As an
 employee of Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to make storewide pages,
 e.g.,"I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at the paint
 counter."  One night, a tentative female voice came over the intercom system
 with  the  (I kid you not) following message: "I have a customer by the
 balls in  toys  who needs assistance."  
 
 A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders.
 But  one day, everyone was under the speed limit, the officer found the
 problem:  a 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge
 hand  painted sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." A little more
 investigative  work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another boy
 about 100  yards  beyond the radar trap with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a
 bucket at his  feet,  full of change.
 
 A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank
 of  America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikk up. Put all
 your  muny in this bag."  While standing in line, waiting to give his note
 to  the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note
 and  might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left
 the  Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.  After waiting a
 few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells  Fargo  teller. She
 read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he  wasn't  the
 brightest light in the harbour, told him that she would not accept  his
 stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip  and
 that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go  back
 to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK"  and
 left.The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man  a
 few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.   
 
 A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that  measured
 his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
 mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he  sent
 the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he  received
 a letter from the police that contained another picture - of handcuffs. 

 A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a
 car  phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told 
 the  guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted
 to  buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.  
 
 Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
 Pontiac,  Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The
 prosecutor  said  that the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge"
 in  Christopher's  jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense", said
 Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same  jacket  that day in court.
 He handed it over so the judge could see it. The  judge  discovered a packet
 of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he  required a five minute
 recess to compose himself.

 Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a
 convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer.  Assistant
 district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of
 defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the
 robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I
 should have blown your f*cking head off." The defendant paused,  then
 quickly added, "if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20
 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30 year  sentence.  
 
 R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing  their
 squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When  he
 asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification.
 Gaitlan gave them his driver's license, they entered it into the  computer,
 and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the  screen
 showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St. Louis,
 Missouri.
 
 A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
 the  cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
 robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
 shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused  and
 said "because I don't believe you are over 21."  The robber said he was,but
 the clerk still refused to give it to him  because he didn't believe him. At
 this point the robber took his  driver's  license out of his wallet and gave
 it to the clerk. The clerk looked it  over, and agreed that the man was in
 fact over 21 and he put the scotch  in  the bag. The robber then ran from
 the store with his loot. The cashier  promptly called the police and gave
 the name and address of the robber  that  he got off the license. They
 arrested the robber two hours later.
 
 A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
 revolvers. The first one shouted, "nobody move!" When his partner  moved,
 the startled first bandit shot him.

Index