FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENESS :

Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known
universe.  You know that you know everything and you want to pass on your
knowledge to anyone who'll listen.  
At this stage you are always RIGHT and of course, the person you're talking
to is very WRONG.  This makes for an interesting argument when both parties
are SMART !!!

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realise that you're the best looking person in the entire
bar and that people fancy you.  You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing
that they fancy you and really want to talk to you.  Bear in mind that
you're still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under
the sun !!!

Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the world.  You can
buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of
money parked outside.  You can also make bets at this stage because you're
still SMART, so naturally, you'll win everytime !!  And it doesn't matter
how much you bet 'cos you're RICH - you'll also buy drinks for everyone
that fancies you because you're also the BEST LOOKING person in the world !!!

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You're now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those
with whom you've been betting or arguing.  This is because nothing can hurt
you.  At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people that
fancy you and challenge them to a battle of wits or money.  You have no
fear of losing this battle because you're SMART, you're RICH and hell,
you're BETTER LOOKING than them anyway!!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the final stage of drunkeness.  At this point you can do anything
because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. 
You can say what you like to the person that wants to fight you .. not only
because you're now BULLET PROOF but because you're INVISIBLE to them too...  
You can spill drinks over everyone close to you because you're so RICH it
really doesn't matter ...
You can dance on a table to impress the people that fancy you because the
rest of the bar can't see you and you're so GOOD LOOKING you get away with
it...
You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no
one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART, you know all the
words !!!

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