Subject: phrases you wish you could say at work
  
  
      1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
  
      2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
      pronounce.
  
      3. How about never? Is never good for you?
  
      4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate
      yourself in public.
  
      5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to
      worship me.
  
      6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
  
      7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
  
      8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
  
      9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're
      saying.
  
      10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
  
  
      11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  
      12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  
      13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a
      damn.
  
      14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  
      15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about
      you.
  
      16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique
      point of view.
  
      17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an
      artist.
  
      18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
      coincidental.
  
      19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
  
      20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
  
      21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn
      off.
  
      22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely
      ceremonial.
  
      23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
  
      24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
  
      25. Who me? I just wander from room to room

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