"I as been driving since I was 12, but recently me desided to get a real
 driving lisence. However, when I went for a lesson, this ponce sat in
me  car  and tried to make me drive like a batty man. Don't worrie, I
gave im a one  inch punch like Bruse Lee, but because of this, I as
decided to pass on me  driving knowlage to all ya massive for free.
Read through me tips and than  you is ready for even long trips (like
down to McDonnalds).  Wicked".

 ALI G'S DRIVING TIPS
 Tip 1 - Make sure your car is safe.  You is gonna lose marks if ya
car is a wreck. May I suggest you get an MOT  first (me mate Dave will
sell ya one for 20 squids - just tell im Ali  said).  Also, make sure
all 8 of ya speakers is workin' at there best (be carefull  that the
clutch pedel don't damage that 20" bass bin). Tinted windows and  UV 
lights may also win you marks wid de instructer.

 Tip 2 - Make sure its safe for you to drive its a well known fact that
if  you is a woman (thats 1 in 2 people in the UK), you will not be
able to  drive. Batty men shouldn't drive either.

 Tip 3 - Drinking and Driving  You should never drink drive (not even
if its rainin').  You could 'it a  bump an' spill ya drink - Aye. No,
me is messin', don't do it.

 Tip 4 - Listen for your Instructer  If you can hear your instructer
shouting at you, then your music aint loud  enough you is probably
listening to the wrong music, may I suggest Drum  and  Bass.

 Tip 5 - Use the proper equipment  When your instructer asks you to
start the car, remember that you is  supposed to use the proper key,
not a screwdriver.

 Tip 6 - Changing Gears.  This is an important part of drivin' and I
hope you is payin' attention.  There are two main gears you will use,
thats 4 and 5.  I suggest using 5th  in residental areas, and 4th if
you is driving on a field or somthin'.

 Tip 7 - Breaking and Corners  Breaking and corners 'ave alot in
common.  You need to be usin' the  handbreak for both.

 Tip 8 - Correct Signaling  Remember that the horn and headlights aint
just for gettin' the attention  of  that bitch wid de short skirt.
They is best used to cuss other drivers if  they is goin' too slow (ie
90 mph).

 Tip 9 - Advanced warning signs and Speed limits.  I aint sure what
these things are.  You can make about £30 stealing them  though.  AYE!

 Tip 10 -  Dat's it, you is now a safe driver. You will be able to
spend hours sat in  the carpark at MFI wid da Drum and Bass pumpin out.

Index