A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor
First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The
counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years,
so what seems to be the problem?" The wife replies,
"It's my husband -- he's driving me crazy! I'm going
to leave him if he continues!" "How does he drive you
crazy?" "For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing
these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's
always looking at the floor and refuses To go near
anyone. It's very embarrassing." The marriage
counselor is amused, "Anything else?" "He keeps
picking his nose all the time!! Even in public!!"
"Hmm, anything else?" The wife hesitates, "whenever
we're making love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in
a while, I'd like to be in control!" "Ah," says the
counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now." So
the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters.
The counselor tells him, "Your wife says that you've
been driving her crazy. She might even leave you." The
husband looks shocked, "WHAT? For 20 years I've been
loving and considerate and I've always given her what
she wants! What could be the problem?" The counselor
explains, "She says that you've got these habits that
are driving her crazy. First, you're always acting
strange in public--looking at the floor and never
going near anyone else." The husband looks concerned,
"Oh, you don't understand! It's one of the few things
my father told me to do in his deathbed and I swore
I'd obey everything he said." "What did he say?" "He
said that I should never step on anyone's toes!" The
counselor looks amused, "Actually, that means that you
should not do anything that would cause anyone else to
get angry." The husband looks sheepish, "Oh. Okay."
The counselor continues, "And you keep picking your
nose in public." "Well, its another thing my father
specifically commanded me to do! He told me to always
keep my nose clean." The counselor looks faint, "That
means that you should not indulge in any criminal
activity." "Oh," says the husband looking very stupid.
"And finally, she says that you never allow her to be
on top during your lovemaking." "This," says the
husband seriously, "is the last thing my father
commanded me to do on his deathbed and it's the most
important thing." "What did he say?" The husband
replies, "In his dying breath, he said. Don't screw up."
  

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