VIRUS ALERT!

If you receive an email "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open
it. Apparently, this one is pretty nasty.

It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also
delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It
demagnetizes the stripes on ALL your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM
access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.

It will re-calibrate your refrigerator coolness settings so all your
ice-cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone
autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix
antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. It will
leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all 
while
dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel
rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is
only fun until someone loses an eye. It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and
Tinea. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs
into passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings, which
grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.

If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will
leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in
dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden
tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim
milk with whole milk. It will replace your luncheon meat with Spam.

It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing you to smell
like dill pickles. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and
terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs of infection.

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