50 degrees -- New Yorkers turn on the heat.
     People in Scotland plant gardens.
   
     40 degrees -- Californians shiver uncontrollably.
     People in Scotland sunbathe.
   
     35 degrees -- Italian cars won't start.
     People in Scotland drive with the windows down.
   
     20 degrees -- Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.
     People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.
   
     15 degrees -- Californians begin to evacuate the state.
     People in Scotland go swimming.
   
     Zero degrees -- New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
     People in Scotland have the last bbq before it gets cold.
   
     10 degrees below zero -- People in Miami cease to exist.
     People in Scotland lick flagpoles.
   
     20 degrees below zero -- Californians fly away to Mexico.
     People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.
   
     80 degrees below zero -- Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
     Scottish Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it
     gets cold enough.
   
     100 degrees below zero -- Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
     People in Scotland pull down their ear flaps.
   
     173 degrees below zero -- Ethyl alcohol freezes.
     People in Scotland get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.
   
     297 degrees below zero -- Microbial life start to disappear.
     Scottish sheep complain of farmers with cold hands.
   
     460 degrees below zero -- ALL atomic motion stops.
     People in Scotland start saying "chilly, you cald an aw?"
   
     500 degrees below zero -- Hell freezes over.
     England win Euro 2000.

Index