50 degrees -- New Yorkers turn on the heat. People in Scotland plant gardens. 40 degrees -- Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Scotland sunbathe. 35 degrees -- Italian cars won't start. People in Scotland drive with the windows down. 20 degrees -- Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt. 15 degrees -- Californians begin to evacuate the state. People in Scotland go swimming. Zero degrees -- New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Scotland have the last bbq before it gets cold. 10 degrees below zero -- People in Miami cease to exist. People in Scotland lick flagpoles. 20 degrees below zero -- Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Scotland throw on a light jacket. 80 degrees below zero -- Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Scottish Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough. 100 degrees below zero -- Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Scotland pull down their ear flaps. 173 degrees below zero -- Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Scotland get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs. 297 degrees below zero -- Microbial life start to disappear. Scottish sheep complain of farmers with cold hands. 460 degrees below zero -- ALL atomic motion stops. People in Scotland start saying "chilly, you cald an aw?" 500 degrees below zero -- Hell freezes over. England win Euro 2000.
Index