There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he
thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he
was gone. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking
around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close
to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for
something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old
man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that
will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and
so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for
weeks, except...", and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the voodoo
dick." "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a
very ordinary looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like
every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He
pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick
rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing
the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack
developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old
man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick
stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally
surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife,
told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do
was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that
things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but
then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo
dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started
pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.
After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull
it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried
to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her
how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if
they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to
drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On
the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and
she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and
then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she
explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was
stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah, right...
Voodoo dick, my ass!"

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