WHY IT'S GREAT BEING A BLOKE A five day holiday requires one overnight bag Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat Queues for the bathroom don't exist You can open all your own jars When clicking through the channels you don't have to stall at everyone where someone's crying All your orgasms are real You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around You can go to the bathroom without a support group When your work is criticised, you understand that everyone doesn't secretly hate you You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness Nobody wonders if you swallow You never have to clean a toilet You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes You save time and money by washing up in bulk every third week Sex never means worrying about your reputation Wedding plans take care of themselves If someone forgets to invite you to something, it means that they forgot to invite you. It doesn't mean that they hate you, and he or she can still be your friend You don't have to shave below your neck None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry You don't have to curl up next to a hairy backside every night If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices You can write your name in the snow Biological clock? Chocolate is just another snack Flowers fix everything You never have to worry about other people's feelings You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours Reverse parking is easy Foreplay is optional Window shopping is what you do when you buy windows Robbie Williams does not exist in your universe Catherine-Zeta Jones does You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader's coming You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.In fact you encourage them. Car mechanics tell you the truth You don't give a rat's ass if no-one notices your new haircut You can quietly watch a game on TV with a buddy for hours without ever thinking he's mad at you. You never look at the size of a baby's head and cringe The whole world is your urinal Hot wax never comes near your pubic area One mood, all the time Same work, more pay! Gray hair and wrinkles add character The remote control is yours and yours alone No such thing as bunny-hopping half an inch above the toilet seat People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends and they won't try to work out what the problem is Someday you'll be a dirty old man. And you're looking forward to it You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood Dieting involves getting regular sized fries with your burger Porn movies are designed specifically with your mind in mind You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries Not liking a person doesn't exclude having great sex with them Life will go on if the bedsheets don't get changed once in a while. Having a beer belly is a perfect reason for wearing a t-shirt And a couple of the classic one liners to finish : Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "so..., notice anything different?" Your mates never say "Well if you don't know what you did wrong, I'm certainly not telling you."(how many times have you heard that!!) Your mates never say "Talk to me"
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