VIRUS ALERT
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   If you  receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it
   immediately. Do not open it.  Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
  
   It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will
   also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
  
   It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards.
  
   It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your
   VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you
   attempt to play.
  
   It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all
   your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
  
   It will program your phone autodial to call only your
   mother-in-law's number.
  
   This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
  
   It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are
   expecting company.
  
   Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton
   fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
  
   It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.
  
   It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way
   that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
  
   It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
  
   It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs
   to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which
   grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
  
   If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it
   will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in
   dangerously close to a full bathtub.
  
   It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses
   and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
  
   It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.
  
   It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it
   to smell like dill pickles.
  
   It is insidious and subtle.  It is dangerous and terrifying to
   behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
  
   These are just a few signs of infection.
  
   PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW
  
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   Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

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