Diagnosis Machine

 One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts,
 I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do
 that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose
 anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor." "Simply put in a
 sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem
 and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill
 figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine
 sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he
 poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started
 making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a
 brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
 
 You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy
 lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
 Diagnosys Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new
 technology
 was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to
 wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a
 try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his
 dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off,
 he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store,
 located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The
 computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following
 message:
 
 Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
 
 Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins.
 
 Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
 
 Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a
 lawyer.
 
 And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get
 better.

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