INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT
 
  You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree
  to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may
  not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute
  an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let
  others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell
  them how good it is.
 
  If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.
  Set the oven using these keystrokes: <<\mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat//>  
  Then enter: ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
  If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The
  oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
 
  If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients
  of the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the dinner,
  and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will
  calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your
  specification.
 
  Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your
  oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the
  dinner from the oven and enter <  This process may have to be repeated. 
  Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this 
  doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.
 
  Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big,
  larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments,
  most of which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the
  tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade
  your equipment.
 
  Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the
  chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety,
  call MicrosoftHelp and they will explain that you really don't
  want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.
 
  Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions
  of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the
  larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use,
  but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.
 
  Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However,
  that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get
  thrilled in advance.
 
  Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the
  freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature,
  not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.
 

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