What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50? Your honor. What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad? Senator. What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline! In front of you stand four men: Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein and a lawyer. You are holding a gun which contains only three bullets. Who do you shoot? Use all three bullets on the lawyer. What is the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? A hooker will stop fucking you when you're dead. What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? The tick stops draining you and drops off after you're dead. What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start! How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving. What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog. What is the difference between a dead lawyer and a squished skunk in the road? The vultures will eat the skunk. What is the difference between a lawyer and a skunk? Nobody wants to hit a skunk. Why won't vultures eat dead lawyers? There are some things that would gag even a vulture. What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles. or Vultures can't take their wing tips off. What do you do if you run over a lawyer? Back over him to make sure. Then, make another notch on the steering wheel. Why do behavioral scientists prefer lawyers to rats for their experiments? 1) there are more of the lawyers to work with, 2) lawyers are more expendable, 3) lawyers do more harm to society than rats, 4) lab assistants are less likely to develop a bond or feel sympathy for them, 5) rats arouse more feelings of compassion and humanity, 6) they multiply faster, 7) rats have an inate right to life and liberty, 8) animal rights groups will not object to their torture, 9) rats have more dignity, and 10) there are some things even a rat won't do. What is the only disadvantage to using lawyers instead of rats in laboratory experiments? It's harder to extrapolate the test results to human beings.
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