GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION: Name:______________ Stage name: ________________ Agent: ______________ Attorney: __________________ Sex: male ____ female _____ formerly male_______ formerly female ________ both ___________ If female, indicate breast implant size: ____ Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___ Occupation: Lawyer Actor/Waiter Film-maker/Self-employed Writer Car Dealer Pan-handler Agent Hooker/Transvestite Other; please explain:_________________________________________ Please indicate how many times you expect to have sex in a car________ Please indicate how much you plan to spend for this sex ________ Brand of cell phone: __________. (If you don't own a cell phone, please explain.)_________________________________________________ Please check hair colour: Females: Blonde Platinum Blonde Teenagers: Purple Blue Skinhead Men: Please list shade of hair-plugs: _____________________ Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply) Eating a wrap Applying make-up Talking on the phone Slapping kids in the backseat Having sex Applying cellulite treatment to thighs Tanning Snorting cocaine Watching TV Reading Variety Surfing the net via laptop Please indicate how many times: a) you expect to shoot at other drivers, and b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving. If you are the victim of a car-jacking, you should immediately: a) Call the police to report the crime; b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news on a high-speed chase; c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through. d) Call your therapist. e) None of the above (South Central resident). Please indicate if you drive: a) a Beamer b) a Lexus c) a Mercedes d) Cabriolet If your answer is D, please add six to eight weeks to normal delivery time for your driver's license. In the event of an earthquake, should you: a) stop your car b) keep driving and hope for the best c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4 In the instance of rain, you should: a) never drive over 5 MPH b) drive twice as fast as usual c) you're not sure what "rain" is Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week:____. Are you presently taking any of the following medications? a) Prozac b) Zovirax c) Lithium d) Zanax. If none, please explain: _____________________ Length of daily commute: a) 1 hour b) 2 hours c) 3 hours d) 4 hours or more When stopped by police, should you a) pull over and have your driver's license and have insurance form ready b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit?
Index